Sonntag, 15. November 2009

Alcohol Article

Do you also seen alcoholics at the weekends, when you’re at a party or in the disco?
Guys, I want to warn you! Keep your hands off alcohol and other drugs! They will damage your whole life.

For example, if you’re pregnant and you will drink alcohol or take drugs, you can affect the health and development of your unborn children. Your baby would have the Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, abbrevitated FAS. The baby will have a delay in learning and other problems. The safest thing when you are pregnant is no alcohol! When the drug crosses your blood, which is the same blood from your unborn child, the baby will have the same blood level as you. The effects from FAS are mental health problems, conduct problems in school, trouble with the law.
Mental health problems are for example ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), ADHD (Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity) and also conduct disorder, alcohol and drug dependence and depression and phsychotic episodes.
Young people with FAS are more endangered to become criminal and also violent.
And Adults with FAS may have problems with the job. They have problems to keep their work and also with independent life.
Alcohol can ruin your look, you will become stout and you will have a bad breath.
When you know a person who is addicted to alcohol or a drug be a real friend and try to help him. Or when the people, who you call your friends, be reasonable and search some good friends.

I hope my article set you of thinking. When you have problems you shouldn’t console yourself with drugs and alcohol. It would be better to take a piece of chocolate or another think you like. But not too much, you wouldn’t become addicted to this, right? Be clever!

1 Kommentar:

Guenter hat gesagt…

(Only major mistakes will be pointed out here.)

g: "do you seen" !
g: the baby could get - "abbreviated" is a high level word and doesn't fit here. You could use 'in short' instead.
g. the blood of someone / someone's blood
exp: the same alcohol level ?

Zwischen Absatz 1 und 2 ist ein inhaltlicher Sprung. Du präsentierst diese Informationen auch recht unzusammenhängend. In Artikeln muss man gleiche Inhalte / Ideen in einem Absatz zusammenziehen. Ich kann hier folgende Ideen erkennen:
- Trinken bei Schwangerschaft -> Gefahr
- mentale Folgen dieser Krankheit
- soziale Folgen dieser Krankheit
- Folgen von Alkohol (aber nicht dieser Krankheit!) fürs Aussehen

Du übernimmst zu sehr die Sprache vom Text, den du von mir übernommen hast. Das wirkt nun seltsam, weil du 2 Sprachebenen mischst.

Unvollständiger Satz: "Or when the people, who you call your friends, be reasonable and search some good friends."

exp: to get someone thinking
"console" (style) -> to try to find comfort (consolation) in something

thing / think!

Der Anfang und der Schluss ist recht gut gelungen.