Dienstag, 6. Oktober 2009

Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin went home from school and was very happy to be free because he hates to learn something. He walked to his house and wanted to open the door, but then he remembered, that his toypet Hobbes would jump out and they would have a fight. Suddenly he had an idea an ran to the garage and built a puppet, which looked like him. He put the puppet in front of the door, went behind a bush and shoutet “I’m home!”. Hobbes came out, looked at the puppet and said very friendly to the false Calvin “May hello Calvin! Do come in, want you?” and took it in and closed the door. Calvin tried to open the door, but Hobbes turned the key, because he knew at the first second, that Calvin wanted to trick him. Calvin shoutet “Hey! Hey!” but Hobbes didn’t listen to him and exploited the good situation and asked the Calvin-puppet “May I read all your comic book? I may? Thank you Calvin!” and “May I draw missitaches on all your superheros? I may? Oh joy!”. Calvin was frustrated, sat on the stairs and wispered to himself “I get him for this, if it takes my whole life”.

1 Kommentar:

Guenter hat gesagt…

Always stick to the same tense within the story. Don't go back to present tense!
No comma before 'that' (normally)!
g:he said it in a friendly way (adverb!)
t: ... Hobbes had turned the key because he knew at once that ...
sp: whisper

You tell the story fluently, but you should try to get in more words that structure the text: "after ...", while, .... You tend to use only the most common ones.